Is your head most
of the time, if not always, filled with negative thoughts?
I shoot my hand
in the air. Yes, me—guilty.
I’ve always had
this feeling of inadequacy, not in life, but in myself. I’ve always felt like I
had more to grow, to learn and to improve but even after taking steps to change
who I was or become a better person, I was never enough. For every bad thing
that happened to me in my life, I would tell myself things along the lines of:
…well, of
course this happened to me. I have bad luck.
…I don’t
deserve anything good.
…Don’t worry,
I’m used to bad things happening to me, and my absolute favorite
…This wouldn’t
have happened to me if I was prettier, smaller, smarter (just picking out all
the ugly things I saw in myself)
My negative
mind always made me tell myself that the world was against me, that I couldn’t
do anything right and even when I felt empowered, I still felt lacking in what
I wanted to do. When I wasn’t negative and angry, I was lost.
But I, like so
many others, really want to change that way of thinking. Growing up scared of
the world and the judgment of others made me realize how stronger I needed to
be.
I truly believe
that we can all escape the negative mindset we have. I’m working on it and so
should you.
How do you stop
these negative thoughts from overpowering and affecting your day to day
activities?
I’m a firm
believer that thoughts are so powerful. What we imagine and think to ourselves
greatly affect our actions, which then leads to a result—success or failure.
When we are
always with negative thoughts, we feel negative emotions such as fear,
uncertainty, or anxiety towards the situations in our lives, even the
non-threatening ones. These negative thoughts cause us to look at situations in
a negative light and we lead ourselves towards a path of failure.
Instead of
doing the work, we spend too much time worrying and wondering how to finish our
tasks. We stress over every little detail and question our judgment and
capabilities of doing the job.
There are a ton
of negative thoughts that can go through our head in one go but the most
popular of these are:
- What we assume
people think or say. No one on my team believes in me. No one cares. >>> Read How to stop
caring what others think of you (link)
- Towards the
situation. Everything is going wrong.
- Towards
ourselves. I can’t do this. I’m not good enough.
- Towards past
mistakes. I’ll always fail.
- Unknown. Nothing
as scary as this but it’s inevitable so don’t put energy onto this.
Why do I hate
negative thoughts?
Well, who
doesn’t really? Negative thoughts have robbed me of happiness and opportunities
to better myself and to live life to the fullest. I wasn’t shy. I was afraid, I
was angry and at times, I just gave up on even trying to be happy.
Negative
thoughts can…
…make me feel
bad about myself. When I have negative thoughts, I get irritable easily and
when I get irritated, I feel angry at everything and everyone. Even when I know
I shouldn’t be, I just feel angry and frustrated with everything in my life.
This makes me feel bad about myself. Like I’m a bad person.
…make me lose
focus on the situation or problem. It is difficult to find a solution or do a
task when you can not clear your head because they are just full of negative
thoughts.
…affect my
relationships. I may lash out at people because I need someone to blame. I
blame myself, get mad, blame other people, get mad at them. It’s a vicious toxic
cycle that I hate being in.
…make me ungrateful. I think the world is against me and I focus a lot on what I do not
have thinking that if I had that thing, my problems would go away and I would
be happier and less negative.
How to stop your negative thoughts
These are the
things that I did and still do. It may or may not work for you but give these
tips and practices a try if you can.
There are two main
steps.
Really? Only
two?
Yes, only two.
But I also wrote down below what I did to better implement these steps in my
life. I focus on these two steps because I don’t want to complicate things for
myself. So, I stick with simplicity.
Pause and
shift.
Pause- catch
yourself with the negative thoughts and tell yourself to stop. You are in
control of your thoughts.
Shift- find a
positive side to the situation or problem. It may be something obvious or you
may need to do some reflection.
That’s it.
Want more?
To further
supplement and enhance the pause and shift, keep on reading.
Here are some
techniques that I hope can help you stop the negative thoughts from coming back
and keep your mindset on a more positive note.
Be conscious of your thoughts and reactions. You are reading this so I assume you have
become aware of your negative mindset. Yay! Recognizing your negative mindset is a big step in living a more optimistic life.
When I realize
that I’m being negative is when I catch myself being rude, angry and just in a
foul mood. So, I hit pause and ask myself one of these questions or something
similar:
- Is it possible
to not bitch about this?
- Can this be
solved even without getting mad?
- Is there any
way to say or do this more positively or compassionately?
My answer to
these is YES.
Can we control our
thoughts? I say no and yes. In every situation, we always form thoughts whether
we choose to or not. We cannot control the act of thinking or forming thoughts
but we can very well control the thought itself- from a negative to a positive.
We have all the
control and power in us to create and think positively.
Reflect on the situation. In shift, you
may not see the positive side right away so ask yourself: What does the
situation call for? Not your negative thoughts or energy, I hope. Take the positive route. It's better, bright, and healthier.
Meditate. I include this
in so many posts of mine but it’s just so great. Something you can do to ease
away not just negative thoughts but also negative feelings. I love meditating
and it is just so beneficial to me and my health. I know. Crazy right?
But yeah, I
love it. If you haven’t tried meditation, you definitely should.
Be rational. Discuss with yourself or someone you trust. Two heads are better than one.
I haven’t met a problem that has been solved by being
negative. Honestly, thinking negatively and acting on these negative thoughts
can even make things worse for you. But we are human and we can become engulfed
by so much emotion sometimes. We can’t think straight.
When you can and really need it, sit down and really think
about the situation. Put down the pros and cons and how your outlook on what is
happening can really affect you and what you might do next.
Hope you had a great read and are on your way to being better and happier!
xx Bella
Recommended Readings:
How to stop caring what other people think of you
How to enjoy life
Remove fear and social anxiety
How to become the Right Kind of Confident
Photo Credits: Ketut Subiyanto via Pexels.com