Are you obsessing over what other people think of you? Is there that little voice in your head that panics after an interaction with someone or when anybody stares at you when you enter a room?

Oh no, do they think I’m dumb?

Why did I say that? They must think I’m desperate.

I must seem like such a loser to them.

 

Don’t worry, we have all been there. We’ve all felt that sickening feeling of not knowing what to do or say because of the shame we might feel from what other people will think of us.

But I’m here to tell you that you need to stop. 

Stop caring what other people think of you.

Why? In the first place, it makes you feel bad and uneasy. 

Here is a list of reasons on why you need to stop caring about what other people think of you.

• Your stress and social anxiety levels are increased.
• You are afraid to be yourself.
• You are ruining your happiness for nothing.
• It makes you insecure.
• They don’t know you and so they can’t and should not judge you.
• People’s opinion of you do not and never will define you.

 

The important part of life is that you know who are and are not ashamed to be yourself in front of other people, despite what they think of you.

When I was in high school and college, I really wanted to seem cool and so I would hang out with everyone and anyone and talk about anything that would make me seem cool to them.

After my oversharing, I’d feel so dumb and was scared that they would talk about me with other people and expose my weirdness.

Yes, I’m weird. Deal with it.

I became so conscious of my obsession about people’s opinion of me that it was all I could think of. I always felt anxious that people saw me as a loser or talked and laughed about me behind my back.

I was so afraid of being judged and made fun of that I no longer knew how to enjoy life.

I was 14 and having a crisis because for the sake of me, I let my obsession of other people’s opinion take over my head. I no longer had an identity of being me. I just wanted people to like me. 

I pushed a lot of the shame and fear deep down and pretended that nothing affected me, like I was some robot with no feelings. But I also had moments where I felt very anxious about talking with other people, making connections and friends, what to write in a text message or email and even which emoji to send. Both of these things were not health for my mental health.

Now each day, I do this. I do what is good for me and my mindset. I choose to be grateful and live life happily and freely. I choose to focus on myself and not on the opinion of others.

I’m not 14 anymore and I’ve come to realize that changing your perspective on something takes some work and determination. I have practiced a lot on how to stop caring what other people think of me and whenever I hear that panicky voice in my head, I’d remind myself of these lessons.

No. 1

Understand that the world does not revolve around you. People are concentrating on their own life instead of you.

This was a big one that really opened my eyes. I remember this from a Youtube video (sadly can’t find the exact video anymore) and when this girl said that the world does not revolve around me and people are probably not talking about me, it really helped change my perspective on the matter.

We think so highly of ourselves which is alright but let's not drill into our heads that people are busy watching and judging our every move. People might see and judge you for a millisecond but that’s it. They forget about you and go on with their lives. There’s no harm to it because we all do that sometimes. We see someone and think for less than a minute; weird looking guy, she’s so superficial, what a bossy person, and then we move our attention to something else. That’s it.

The world does not revolve around you and your world shouldn’t revolve around the opinion of others towards you. Live life the way you want and remember that those millisecond judgments do not define you.

 

No. 2

Be private. Mind your own business and if you don’t want people to talk about you, don’t give people something to talk about. Don’t announce to the world every plan that pops into your head.

I’m going to lose 50 pounds.

I plan to write a best-selling novel.

I’m starting my dream business.

I’m up for a promotion at work.

When you let everyone know your amazing plan but it doesn’t happen, you are left with people wondering what happened to you and why you didn’t do what you said you would. You are inviting people to watch and talk about you.

Do not seek attention if you do not want judgment and everyone watching you. Move and succeed in silence. Surprise and impress people with your actions and the result, not your empty words.

 

No. 3

Spend some alone time to concentrate on yourself. When I started obsessing about what people thought of me, I later realized it was all in my head. I could control this and change the way it made me feel. I stopped putting energy into my fear and anxiety. Edit: Some days, they overpower me, but do not stay stuck. Perform activities and shift your mindset to uplift your positivity and energy.

I focused on school and passing all my subjects. I hung out with friends that accepted me and made me feel welcome and happy. This helps tremendously with personal growth and mental health.

No. 4 

Stick to your values. This is so beautiful and something that I really want to emphasize. We have a certain set of values and beliefs that we believe in and make us who we are through our way of life.

Ethics Sage defines values as the basic and fundamental beliefs that guide or motivate attitudes or actions. 

I’m someone who values hard work, commitment and self-discipline. I do my best when studying and completing assignments in law school while I also give time to create great content for this blog because I love blogging. Auself is my baby y’all.

But I also value kindness, open-mindedness, humility and honesty. I want to make everyone in a group feel included and I try my best to give people the benefit of the doubt and believe that there is good in every person.

That’s just me because those are my values. Because I know what I value, I don't need to add others' opinions of how to act and live my life.

No. 5

Tell your own story. Your story, the one you tell yourself and others, really matters. The more you tell a story, the more believable and real it becomes. When you keep telling yourself that people think you are a loser without any concrete evidence to support that thought, you eventually come to believe it. Once you believe it, you feel down and act upon the “I’m a loser” idea. In the end, you truly act and believe your own story.

 

Stop telling yourself that people are gossiping about you. Stop thinking that people always want to judge you and talk about you. This helps ease any anxiety that people think badly of you.

 

At the end of the day, what other people think of you does not matter. Instead, know who are, improve who you are and embrace it.

xx Bella

Photo Credits: Anastasiya Lobanovskaya via Pexels.com